I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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