my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
