woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
