I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
