even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.