i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.