If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?