Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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