You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
