obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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