On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize