a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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