dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.