we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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