Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
