woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize