and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is wine microwaveable?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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