so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
