I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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