he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize