see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize