The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
