I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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