There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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