peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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