and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers