that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes