Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night