These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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