Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
