i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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