Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
