I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
