arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
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Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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