hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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