i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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