nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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