I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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