I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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