Cold hands, warm shart.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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