woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
