this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.