I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR