I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he thought i was a dude.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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