your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
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We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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