She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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