I wish my penis had an off switch
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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