So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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