Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
