In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
