If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dating After Heartbreak
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.