I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love you. Go after that dick