Texts From Last Night

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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

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  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (12628) Bad night (1643)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....

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  (309): so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower.... http://tfl.nu/5ddp
  Replies (14) Good night (1222) Bad night (4312)
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  (818): View more from California

  You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

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  (818): You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf. http://tfl.nu/hkre
  Replies (62) Good night (1639) Bad night (6318)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night

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  (905): He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night http://tfl.nu/aleg
  Replies (11) Good night (2768) Bad night (985)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...

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  (315): Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime... http://tfl.nu/v3a6
  Replies (7) Good night (2195) Bad night (1189)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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  (901): She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas. http://tfl.nu/43pp
  Replies (2) Good night (1334) Bad night (893)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.

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  (360): There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line. http://tfl.nu/jhch
  Replies (12) Good night (880) Bad night (2421)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

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  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (2098) Bad night (1320)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.

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  (216): Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left. http://tfl.nu/jvbq
  Replies (6) Good night (1607) Bad night (541)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??

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  (304): Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun?? http://tfl.nu/lwzi
  Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (497)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...

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  (570): I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing... http://tfl.nu/vi9c
  Replies (7) Good night (876) Bad night (349)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.

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  (617): I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final. http://tfl.nu/105u
  Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (319)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!

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  (321): Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in! http://tfl.nu/gz21
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.

  (1-925): View more from California

  Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.

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  (925): Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles. (1-925): Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive. http://tfl.nu/bo4j
  Replies (1) Good night (493) Bad night (287)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (436) Bad night (450)

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