hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is