yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.