Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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