and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
