Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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