Rock
Scissors
Fuck
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
