Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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